Day 359 Oct.11 2011

This will be my last "Good-night, I love you" to an empty pillow.  Now that the day has passed, I'm feeling super calm about the whole situation.  I don't anticipate sleeping being an issue, I can tell that I'm tired.  I find the only time I have a hard time sleeping is if I did something wrong that day and my brain can't let it go.  Take R&R for example-I made a decision and it was the wrong one and my gut knew it.  I didn't sleep that night.  When events that I'm told will take place don't happen for whatever reason, that's what makes me anxious.  I tend to set"check points" for big events like this.  Moments in the more near future that I can "run" to and know I'm making progress, for example, Chad saying he's going to call, or Rear-D telling me to expect a phone call as a confirmation.  These events might not provide me with any additional information, but if they don't happen like planned, I'm a wreck.  Waiting around for that phone call all day killed me.  I had a feeling I wasn't going to get either calls and I found out this morning Chad didn't call b/c he mis-placed his phone cards.  No big deal.  With an explanation, that anxiety was gone.  I now don't expect to hear from him at all during any of their lay overs.  Once I found out Rear-D tried to call and they had dialed the wrong number, all anxiety from the day-gone.  And tomorrow, since I'm not waiting for something to happen between the hours of 0900 and 1900, I have a set time to look toward (and I know I can't make time move faster), I don't think I'll lose my mind all day.

While cleaning out closets and boxes of things I came across a coloring.  Done by me when we first started dating.  Back a few weeks ago when I was going through old emails I came by one where I asked Chad if he wanted a kitten and a puppy or something else.  Apparently I had come across a coloring book at work (when I worked 3rd shift and we had a lot of down time).  In asking him about it recently Chad didn't remember if he still had the picture. He did.  I found it today :)