Day 360 Oct.12 2011

Every day for 360 days I've been holding my breath.  Every morning I'd let out a little air and sip some back in when I knew we had made it one more day apart with nothing going wrong.  I've spent 360 days with the thought of never seeing his face again always lingering in the back of my mind.  I've never been able to say this out loud.  I find it hard to type now since I don't quite yet have him.

As I've been cleaning the house I notice I still do it in the same order, room to room, item to item as I did the day we moved in.  I'm glad my OCD keeps some things constant.  So much changes after 360 days, I know I've changed immensely, the house has changed (he doesn't know a lot of what has changed!), his daughter...I hope it's not too much change all at once.  At least we get to muddle through these changes together, hand in hand, the way it's meant to be.

In the middle of typing this one of our favorite songs came on Pandora:

There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepia-toned loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

...

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

-Better Together by Jack Johnson