I came up with an analogy today (I'm sure this as already been hashed out before, I'm not the first Army Wife to come up with this...) but the more I thought about it, the more it fit perfectly.
A deployment is exactly like a marathon. (see, simple, I'm not the first one that has gone here, I'm sure.)
It's something you need to spend a lot of time training and preparing for. I personally spent the 6 months prior to my husband leaving with the concept in the back of my mind. I wasn't yet doing things on my own, but I imagined how I would do specific scenarios on my own. If Chad wasn't in the room and I needed help, I avoided calling for him, I'd try it on my own first. When the week before he left rolled around, I felt prepared. I still felt like someone had slugged me in the stomach, but I knew that was inevitable. I still felt like as soon as I was able to stand up straight (I wouldn't feel sick forever) I'd be physically capable to keep the house running. I could keep moving forward on this marathon.
The day he left, was hard. I can't even begin to explain it to you. It's like the start line was electrified and as I crossed it, feeling prepared and equipped with all I would need, it shocked the hell out of me. It knocked me on my butt and I couldn't get up, I felt paralyzed. This was a feeling that no one can prepare for. But I had the friends around me that had just gone through the feeling, or hadn't yet crossed the line and between all of them, they helped me up. I had people pulling and people pushing. They got me across the start line and by the end of the 1st month of deployment, I was jogging at a steady pace. (This is why it's very important that you surround yourself with the right people during a deployment-this will come up a lot).
I see the whole thing as a 52 mile "track" or "road", Spouses are at one end, and our deployed loved ones are air-lifted to the other end and dropped off. At 26 miles (half way), there is a finish line. This is where we get to reunite. It doesn't matter how fast or slow you run, it doesn't shorten or lengthen the distance. I have passed people that are sprinting to the finish line-they won't get to see their soldier any sooner, they will just have to wait longer for them to show up. That's their choice. On the flip side, I have passed people that are walking the whole way, and maybe their soldier beats them to the finish line, but that spouse will still have completed a marathon and get to meet their loved one at the finish line. Some people will find a 'battle buddy' that runs the same speed they do. Then you have someone to chat, get water with, and pass the time easier. Some people will want you to slow down and walk with them, if that isn't your personality, you don't have to. This is your race, and it will be whatever you make it (this is where the people you surround yourself with really make a difference). Do you want the overly positive exuberant cheerleader running next to you, or the negative Nancy that whines the whole way. Know who you're around and how they make you feel. It's okay to move on to another running group. This marathon is yours, make it work for you.
I've seen people give up, which breaks my heart. People that have sat down and given in to the idea that their soldier will come to them when he's done. Well, depending on where you sat down, your solider is now looking at that much extra of a marathon to do after the rigorous, life threatening one he just completed. Please don't give in to that weariness and put that weight on your solider. Meet them at the finish line, no matter how ugly it is getting there, no matter how many times you have to rest and get water and cry because you have a side ache, and it's too hot, and you're hungry, and your kids are cranky b/c they have been in a stroller for the last 20 miles...no one looks pretty after a marathon. It's okay. The goal is to just complete it.
Anthropologists that have studied the "caveman" have concluded that their bone structure (our bone structure that we have to this day) is that of an Olympic athlete. Cave people might have been hairy and smelly and most of the time naked, but they were lean and strong and built for speed and challenges. We have that same body form. We as present day humans are meant to endure struggles and intense challenges, mentally and physcally. There is no reason we can't complete a marathon with our heads up and our hearts open.
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