There was one moment that I immediately flashed to when I found out I was pregnant with Bug. It was an image of me when I was 15. (Insert ominous music here...)
Of course with just about every month after a baby is born, a Mom often thinks 2 things to herself: 1) Where is the manual for this thing??? We put a man on the moon, why can't we figure out babies?! and 2) Why didn't someone tell me about this? "This" can be anything from the fact most women poop during labor to the realization that you'd one day prefer the screaming 3 month old at 3am to the self-centered, stubborn, mean, smart-ass 4 year old trying to win an epic staring contest with you. The "What to Expect When You're Expecting" books cover pregnancy up until I think 2yrs old. But after that, no one seems to mention that it gets A THOUSAND TIMES HARDER. So much so, that no one can seem to write a single book of rules that everyone agrees is the "way to do it". The less than 2yr phase is so much more clear and concrete than the abstract world of a Child's Mind. And you wouldn't know it unless you've seen both worlds. Or at least I didn't. I'm not sure I would have believed someone if they warned me. Maybe that's why we don't talk about it.
Around the time Bug turned 20 months, she entered this phase where I often thought to myself, "I don't know this kid!" And I've always hoped it was a phase she would out grow. So far, not really. Here we are almost 3 years later and the "foreign-ness" of her attitude and actions has changed as she has grown, but it's still as foreign. Which is weird because we've been living with this for 3 years - you'd think I'd be used to it by now.
My greatest fear is the same as everyone else's, that we'll fail her as parents. I know just considering the possibility and saying it out loud likely means we never could, but it drives my decisions and keeps me pursuing options and ideas. But it's a daily struggle for me, trying to figure out how to combat the phrase, (said in the most whiny tone possible) "But I don't want to clean up my toys!" followed by, "Then I don't want to have any toys." followed by, "But I just don't want to do ANYTHING!!" If there is this much drama in her voice now, God help me in 10 years. I think our home will just implode...
I got a glimpse of the "helpful" 4 yr old. We had friends coming over for a casual dinner and I asked (knowing she would whine and say no) if she would set the table. Without hesitation she started pulling out place mats. I told her we'd have 6 of us so we'd use little yellow table for her and my friend's oldest girl. This was the last instruction I gave her, and this is what she came up with. She even brought the table into the kitchen :) What struck me was how she adjusted the place mats to fit the table. She seems to have a very hard time problem solving if she is irritated or frustrated or distracted even the tiniest bit. I am so sick of saying, "stop yelling and whining and find a solution to your problem." (asking for help is one of those solutions, she just refuses to do it!). It's nice to see that maybe we're on the right track, and she is hearing me one time out of every 300 times I say it.
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