Day 339 Sept.21 2011

I'm trying to remember back a few months ago when I felt like I was losing my mind on what seemed an extremely epic level.  I couldn't quite grasp the world the way I wanted.  I usually have a very good, controlled handle on what is going on around me and coming up in the future.  But I had a good solid 2-3 weeks where I couldn't keep anything straight.  I felt broken.  I couldn't picture my "mental calendar" like I always could before...it was frustrating and a little scary.  I was trying to remember if this was before or after R&R.  If it was before R&R, then it would explain why I'm going through round 2 of this sensation.  Here we are, roughly 3 weeks from Chad being home, and I can't seem to wrap my mind around what it can usually hold.  It's irritating.  I forgot to cancel with the babysitter yesterday, I struggled with sorting through the budget this morning, I find myself standing in the middle of the living room groping for something to do.  I know I have things to do.  I always have things to do.  I just couldn't recall them.  I can always recall my to do list.  It never strays too far from the tip of my tongue-it knows better.

Today felt like a whirl-wind tornado, but I came out of it with stuff done.  It just didn't feel done.  It's like my mind is focusing on finding chaos whether it exists or not.  That is completely illogical and unproductive and very not me.  Good things happened today, our projection TV was sold today for only $50 less than I initially asked, I am in the process of getting Chad's watched fixed and possibly replaced, I spent some fun time with a friend/neighbor...all good things, but my overall sensation for the day is CHAOS.  Ugh.  I straightened the living room after I tore it apart to get the big TV out of it's corner and into the garage to meet it's new owner.  I feel a little bit better...but not much.  Maybe a good old fashioned, hand-written list will do the job.  Maybe I need to break out the living calendar...