if you would have asked me back in october if i could have imagined that one day it would be may and we would be half way through the deployment, i would have without hesitation said no. the best way to describe this whole experience is going through a tunnel. on october 17th i stood in a dark parking lot with tears streaming down my face, sobs shaking my body every few seconds absolutely terrified to step into the tunnel. i knew i had to do it alone while i ripped the other half off me and watched it walk away from the tunnel entrance. but i had no choice, it had to be done this way. i wrapped my arms around our little girl and sucked in a big breath of the last 'fresh air' i'd breathe until he came home to me and i stepped in with my head held high. those first few weeks until i got to hear his voice were brutal. pitch black. i just knew i had to keep walking straight, and i did. and then we got to see his face regularly, and it was like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. at least now it wasn't pitch black, there was still no light, but we had a face we were walking towards. and now we've been talking about r&r for a few weeks and today i saw the tiniest pin prick of light just behind his face. progress. we're making progress! i can feel it now. the tunnel has angled slightly downhill, it's still dark, but i can smell the carrot. this r&r will be like i found a man hole in my tunnel, we get to poke our heads out into the sun, breathe fresh air again, run around on top of the tunnel for 15 glorious days. but our journey isn't over, we take one more big breath of air and duck back in. but this time we're walking towards something so much bigger than just the end of the tunnel. knowing we did this journey on our own, as a family, using each other as the motivation to roll out of bed and tick off one more day on the calendar. it's a powerful feeling that i will carry with me forever and will be proud to carry.
wow. i didn't really mean for that to get that heavy...i was really planning on just raving about the number of pea pods and green beans i have in my garden, and that i completed the dresser i've been stripping and staining for a year now, and that i started painting bug's new table and chairs...buuuuuut, when something hits you, it hits you i guess :)
No comments:
Post a Comment