Day 91 Jan.16 2011

i have come to really appreciate food over the last year or so.  partially b/c that's all i deal with now a days. no one ever mentioned how much i would become obsessed with food once caitlin started eating it.  but i am.  all i think about is food.

how much has she eaten? is there more in her tummy than on the floor and in her seat? when did she last eat? did she eat more chicken than peas? is she drinking too much water or milk and not eating enough? will she learn to stop eating when she is full?  am i over feeding her?  will infants eat b/c their bored like adults do?  has she had enough protein?  has she had too much protein for her little kidneys to handle?

so not only do i rack my brain with endless questions about her health and nutrition, but it reflects back on me so easily now.  how can i live with the double standard of eating pizza rolls for lunch, when she HAS to have a meat and a veggie?  and not just a meat and a veggie, but an all natural chicken breast and fresh or organic green beans...shame on me.

i know i'm setting myself up for failure in a year when she finally looks at me and says: "mommy, how come i can't have pizza rolls for lunch like you?"  crap.  maybe this is my foot in the door for turning over a new food leaf in the conger household.  chad has been losing weight like gang-busters down range and i will be damned if within two months of him coming home my cooking puts all of his weight back on.

so, i'm learning to reevaluate how i cook and what i cook.  i'm getting better, but sometimes i have to make a pasta based meal drenched in creamy, cheesy goodness...can you blame me? :)